Tuesday, October 21, 2008

194) The Disappointment


The short version of the story is this: I had auditioned and been selected as a model for a fashion show in the Seoul Collection during Seoul Fashion week (currently happening). Everything was lined up: I went to the fittings and rehearsal. I lost a few kilograms (probably mostly muscle). I knew the clothes I would wear and the order I would walk, even the models standing before and after me. I cancelled plans, stayed in on the weekends, practiced and studied walking. I was in the hand-out and in the video being played during the show- everything was lined up.



Then, the morning of the show I received a phone call from my friend (the director of the show) informing me I was cut. The reason; unknown. Shit. What a disappointment.



Had it been any other time besides the day of the show I could have understood the cut. But the morning of the show... really? I have had one similar disappointment in the past- but in that case there was really no one to blame except maybe myself.



My junior year of college I was in the national track and field meet. I was ranked 10th in the nation at the time. Then after a practice jump in the warm-ups I sprained my ankle. Nothing can prepare you for that kind of crushing disappointment. Literally months (in a broader sense years) of training and practice and anticipation down the drain. Wasted. That one was the worst.



Back to the fashion show disappointment- after a couple big chocolate bars, a lot of sleep, and some hard work in the gym I am feeling better. The kids make me feel better too. I haven't really been in the mood to be with friends, but the kids really seem to help. They have no clue about any of this kind of thing in life- maybe that's what makes them so good at helping to get over it.



Billy told me to "make some art" so I brought my camera to school today. The digital, not the film- I needed some instant results. Gave the kids a bunch of cookies and cakes and let them play games all sugared up all day. I tried to get them feeling like I wanted to feel- and it helped. So in the end it turned out to be a pretty good birthday for me today.

1 comment:

Mom01 said...

Hi Kyle,
That is really awful that they did that to you - how disappointing and totally aggravating! Perhaps your friend will share a logical explanation with you at some point...one would only hope!
You went into the process with pure intentions and gave it your all ~ be pleased with yourself for that and the high level of integrity you displayed - I know I am!
Good for you to have used chocolate, sleep, and a workout to help you feel better - I am proud of you for that! (and except for the workout piece, you are truly my child!!) I'm glad the kids helped you feel alittle better as well - after someone pulls something like that director did, it could be so easy to become cynical about people in general.
You are a class act, Kyle ~ just keep being who you are and working at the things you want to experience in life and you will only get stronger and be better for it!
Love you,
Mom

PS - did they at least send you a check for using your photo on their flyers and your part in the video?