Lets start with my dad, because he is pictured above. He is in the category of “getting older but still able to do a strenuous two-day hike with no prior preparation” (this lack of preparation was due to how extremely last minute this trip was). He didn’t walk away from it unaffected though, in fact he would be in the category of hiker that is very entertaining to watch try to stand up out of a chair, walk down a set of stairs or do anything else that makes them use the muscles that they just made horrendously sore. And for good reason, 7 or 10 miles of straight down hill or up hill has its affects.
Another entertaining one to watch is the comically unprepared. One guy on our bus had on a pair of jeans, work boots and sweat shirt. As for supplies he carried a 12 once bottle of water and small bag of nuts. I saw another guy walking up the trail (and doing well) wearing jeans and a fleece jacket, and he carried two shoulder bags, and he was sweating profusely. Logic would have had the jacket off of most people, especially considering the 80 degree heat and strenuous hiking.
There is of course the “fashion hiker”, and this one comes in both male and female models. I saw one guy wearing skin-tight jeans, a nice vest, a fedora and a pair of leather dress shoes. I saw more than one girl wearing what I imagine they thought was a cute outfit (one piece dress) with matching shoes or sandals, and make up and hair done nice. I would have loved to see them at the end of what I would imagine was a short hike.
There were plenty of “speed hikers” that for one reason or another race through the trail as fast as they can. Some of them were clearly training for something, others were part of some kind of race and others were doing it to try to impress others on the trail.
A related category is the “cocky young twenty-something hiker”. I overheard some of these hikers bragging that they were not going to take the advice of the ranger who told them not to try to go down and back in one day. They were very hyper and loud the first time we saw them, but were much different the second. When we saw them at the bottom they were just heading back to make the hike out, and they looked horrible and avoided eye contact. Their former hyper fast pace turned into a painful looking stagger.
One of the worst to be anywhere around is the “loud hiker”. These folks take full advantage of being able to use their outside voices. To make it worse their conversation is usually very unappealing. Most of it consists of them giving others their “hiking resume” and trying to convince others they know more or did more. They will strain to work in some ridiculous fact about themselves that has no relevance to anything.
There is the “humble hiker” that is clearly injured but will not use it is an excuse for going slow. They will tell you they are just very slow hikers with no shame or explanation, and then you can watch them limp away with a knee or ankle injury but still wearing a smile on their face.
There is also the “perfect hiker”. This hiker has no set pace category, but is always smiling or looking amazed, has wonderful trail etiquette (in passing or pulling off the trail) and is a pleasure to talk to you. You know they love life and have nothing at all to complain about.
And of course there must be the “horrible hiker”. There are a variety of things that can make a hiker horrible. One of them is littering, I have no idea how someone could be in a place like that and leave trash on the ground. That will always baffle me. Another is the guy that is in serous need of recognition. We had one guy who made sure to stop close to us to loudly point out to his hiking partner where they started from. When that didn’t trigger a response from us he said a little bit louder that they started from there today (as if his partner didn’t know that). Still not getting any response he repeated it. Finally disappointed he hiked on. We saw him again further up the trail making similar conversation right next to other hikers. And then the grand finale came from this guy. He passed a sign that said “no dogs” and exclaimed that he was dogging it. He said that loud enough for me to hear down the trail a little way, and did it as he was passing, in good stride, a group of people who were clearly struggling. When this guy met his friends waiting for him at the top he made sure to let them know he could have done it faster if it had not been for one thing or another.
There are many other types of hikers, such as the Korean tour bus group or the European backpacker, but I think I have covered the most entertaining.
